Reviews by neotheognis

(10 minutes) Wow, I was expecting this to be a boy movie, right—like a movie about boy books, many lols—but WOW, this is…. Phew. I mean, my premise to start watching was: maybe I went hard on “Napoleon Dynamite”, right: I watched so many “important” movies, in that time…. Mostly, I read books: but I try not to join the academicist assault squads, you know: roving over the face of the post-apocalyptic, post-elite world, right…. But I mean: swear to God, this is no better than “The Croods”, right—just that Croods was a male-centric woman’s film, right~it sounds weird and impossible because, it should be…. But, it’s definitely a thing, right…. And this is like a boy-nerd pride, book, right…. It’s not like, a ~real~ story, right…. It’s like, a movie…. It’s a movie that’s like a movie, right. It’s not a movie that’s like, reality, you know…. 

Like, this is what nerd-pride male-pride boys, ~delude~ themselves into ~thinking~ that they believe the world is, right, (smirks), what kind of a agit-prop, domestic beat specialist would you have to be, to REALLY believe, right…. 

Wow…. 

(20 minutes in) Wow…. No…. Yeah, no. 

I mean, I guess it’s supposed to be ironic, but…. I mean, “Napoleon Dynamite” was actually better than this. I thought that after ND, they had hit rock-bottom, and were going to experiment with some likable characters, right…. 

Males are just not okay, really…. I feel like, after watching this, some male is going to decide to stop bathing and start addressing the Mexican maid in Latin—“it’s practically the same language!”—and refer back to ~”Gentlemen Broncos”~ as his “justification”, that he’s “not really that bad”, right…. 

This actually sinks below the standard-bad movie level, this is like…. I don’t watch ~THAT~ many movies, but I don’t know if I’ve watched a movie that I was this averse to like this, in this period of my life, that didn’t have some sort of race issue—an explicit one, you know, where a POC person was being obviously replaced or perceptively slighted, you know: almost all movies have like race in the Anglo-centric way…. But yeah this is like, almost as bad, in its way: it’s like male pride—and it’s notably more extreme than “Napoleon” as far as that goes, right….

(30 min) I’m sorry, but something has to be done about men making movies. This is unwatchable, you know…. 

I’m speechless. 

…. It’s like Napoleon Dynamite the porn movie, right…. Like, what kind of porn would it BE, even, right….? I’m not sure I want to know…. 

If the hurricane doesn’t stop me from making it to the library tomorrow, I’m seriously thinking of taking a break from this for my next sitting of a movie, right…. 

…. And it’s not really a parody of maleness, in any meaningful way, right: because the woman characters are frightfully distorted, right: they’re the sort of girl-children a man would give birth to, right; they’re not the sort that a woman would give birth to…. 

A more accurate characterization than “parody”, would be the, admittedly longer phrase: “look at what I can get away with”, you know: with the ‘I’ being…. The master of the servants of men, right…. 

…. (the next time) But yeah: through a ~strange~ sequence of events, I didn’t make it to the library at all yesterday, which is just as well, because I didn’t start another movie…. But yeah: it’s always better for me when your expectations aren’t irresponsibly toyed with, right: I really do think it’s better to take movies in stages…. Man, if they were really the brave-male-chauve-art-pornographers they present themselves as, right, they’d put a testicle or two on the cover, no…. (rolls eyes) So much for wholesome, yet independent and brave, right: literally none of those three things are true, right?…. 

But if you know what it is: it’s fine, right…. 

…. (45 minutes) This isn’t just Not Okay: it’s, Double Plus, Not Okay…. 

(rolls eyes) If not for its very disgustingly trivial nature: it would probably make me angry, right…. 

…. (1 hr) Wow, this is really painful, to watch. Modestly painful, at least. 

It’s like: we’ve created a wimpy white boy victim, who’s made to suffer/is martyred, right—“I’m a weak wimpy white boy victim! The whole system is rigged against me: it’s the greatest secret of modern times~the ideas of weak wimpy white boys!”—without actually ever experiencing a ~genuine sense of vulnerability~, right. 

Like: I’m supposed to believe he’s numb/detached, yet also being burned at the stake as a witch, and screaming out in pain because he’s being martyred in the Crusades, right? 

It’s like…. What, you don’t think I’m intelligent? You think I’ll buy whatever you’re selling…. Just, because? Yeah, I love you too…. Jerk. 

(shakes head in disbelief) Double plus not okay: totes. 

…. (coming back at 1hr, ready to finish off this monstrosity) 

It’s funny how, if you asked Jared Hess or whoever, right—should physical attractiveness matter: it’s be like, No, that’s why we made this movie: to stick the system in the eye for making life hard on intellectually superior white males who don’t brush their teeth or comb their hair, right. ~It’s like: So that’s why you made the unsympathetic Indian guy who hangs out with the white girl you want but feel ambivalent about, right: so repellent with the weird-fake smile and the weird-fake personal demeanor; and you’re supposed to like the wimpy white boy victim who’s a passenger in life, right: he’s a little bit cool compared to the Indian kid, who’s like…. Recovering from an illness, or something; maybe he had the flu: like, he’s smiling to get out of the hospital, right…. Right? You’re setting the wimp up with that, so that he looks like the Denzel Washington we can actually approve of, right: the honest, likable, cool kid, right? 

—I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t even like movies; I just did shit at random to spite the elites. 

—No agenda? 

—(awkward beat) Nope…. 

Ironically, or else predictably, I don’t know: but white male-woman of color romance is depicted as favorably as these freaks can pull it off, right, in “Napoleon Dynamite”, right: but stealing the white girl (that I don’t even want!), from me: that’s a big no no, you damn (slew of British Empire-era racial epithets)…. 

Yeah…. Hollywood is changing though. Not necessarily getting better, right: but it’s definitely…. Different, somehow…. I mean, the style is different, right. The means…. 

(1 hr 15 min) I mean, I realize that it’s about wimpy white boys—who secretly want to…. Yeah, I don’t know how…. I mean: legally, we’re looking at…. But yeah—it’s about wimpy white boys who feel sorry for themselves, and how the world revolves around their little kingdoms of delusion, right…. But, I don’t get it. It’s not like, “respectable” propaganda, right: where you can easily watch it and be like—well, of course the B.S. agit-prop line of “reasoning” I’m being sold is, XYZ, right: but this, it’s like…. What lie am I being asked to believe, right? That’s it’s not even faintly true, in any way or mode of expression, is “water is wet” obvious, right…. (crazy hands) But what am I being asked to like about this kid?…. What am I supposed to be feeling or thinking, if I ~wanted~ to go along with it, right?…. 

What am I looking at? Right? wtf…. 

(movie over) Two thoughts: 

“All you did was change the character names, and make Bronco a tranny!” 

No commentary necessary…. I hope. 

And: 

Unwritten rule: None of the woman characters can be as physically attractive as the hero—with one, possible, exception…. But I don’t need her. 

I have my mom. She sucks, but…. She’s devoted to me, right: so I forgive her for being a woman, right. 

Out of the kindness of my galactic heart, no?…. 

…. (scene after the credits, omfg) 

(turns to the girl he’s seeing the movie with) Now have sex with me. 

…. (trying to respond to this) Can men sue other men, for like, slander of like…. You know, mis-representation, right…. 

I feel mis-represented. I really do. Like, eff, this guy, right. Eff Jared Hess, you know. 

I can’t even start with this guy. 

Everything just fits together so perfectly; it always makes me so happy. 

But yeah: Chris Sanders is a middle-piss quality director, but I figured I’d give him that third movie to watch like I always do, now: and also, I have a personal history reason for watching, right. I had my brother drive me to see this movie, during my florid-symptomatic era, and then I had him hustle me out of there when the sounds and images started to frighten my delicate nerves, right; (not a story you’d make up, LOL)…. It’s like that line from the Karate Kid, about the couple: it’s nice; same, but different. “No: just different”, right. That one time, Mr. Miyagi was wrong: and when I was a young Millennial: I didn’t get it, right…. 

~It was a few years later, you showed up here…. 

Yes, I live on land somewhere, 

Yes, I chose the rose garden, over delusions fair…. 

And let me tell you now: I’m the lucky one; 

Yeah, let me tell you now: I’m the lucky one; 

Can I tell you now, I’m the lucky one? 

Oh; oh; oh…. 

~~Can you believe—I mean, of course you can believe it: but can you believe it, that when I started reading bloody Thomas Merton and the Buddhist books, right: that I blamed it all on her, more or less? 

(shakes head) Craziness; crazy, right?….

…. (10 minutes in, I finally have something to say) Yeah, Emma Stone as the daughter—literally 25 fucking years old in 2013; she was YOUNG: you know—Rebellious Daughter in the Beginning of Time, right: and Nicholas Cage as the father: because he’s…. A man, right. SUCH a man; male to the bone, right. 

But yeah: it seems like there’s a lot of action, and it’s hinting at a straight-forward plot/conflict: daughter’s self-actualization vs Dad’s Rules, right…. I’m not sure I’ll have much to say. It works for me better than “How To Train Your Dragon”, though, right: lots of false ideology/chauvie pacifism in that movie, right. (beat) If they just run around like idiots for half the movie: that’s fine. I think too much. 

Maybe I just hate men, you know. I don’t know. Men will weather the storm of my defection, right. And Nicholas Cage is a guy you can enjoy hating, right…. You can hate him and just be like: yeah, eff you: ok. No big deal. (nods) (smiles) 

…. (another 15 minutes) The action is okay: but hating Nicholas Cage is enjoyable. That’s the best part. (chuckles) And she has a love interest whose humanity/ability to talk is non-obvious…. (smirks) This movie makes me feel better about myself. That makes it a good movie…. It’s not taking the “best woman’s film directed by a guy” from, I don’t know, “The Joy Luck Club”, or something, (they had us watch us that in program: and I cringed and blanked-out, like: an emotionally worthwhile film! This might bring me sadness!…. “Damn It, Past Ted: we could have learned something!”)…. But yeah: I’m ok with this, fundamentally. 

…. (re-reads intro) Yeah: I mean, my associations are looser than most people’s, right: that’s kinda my intentional modus operandi—I think most people’s associations are too tight, too rigid: and also I guess people are plagued by fear; but lol: I am afraid of…. I mean, it’s a low-level fear, now, but yeah: me and fear, right…. But yeah, the TS song was defs a loose association, right: but the comparison implied between the Edwardian rose garden or whatever, and the cave from The Croods…. That’s gold, right there, people. 

Gold. (nods) 

…. (10 more minutes) 

I hope my girl doesn’t expect me to do that, lol. 

But yeah: it’s not subtle grandeur like a baroque/spy type of movie director, right: but it is visually quite interesting, you know. It has a kind of colorful grandiosity, you know…. 

(smiles) Perhaps, “happy”, is the word, right. Happiness is nothing but manifest disorder, right…. (closes eyes) 

…. (10 more minutes) 

I guess that Ryan Reynolds will have to invent monasticism, instead. lol: I guess I should be flattered that male suffering is so central to the plot; it’s practically about me and not her, right. 

…. (10 more minutes: near the hour mark) 

Yeah…. Well, I seem to be the smartest person to have ever lived: someone should send me a check in the mail. Organize a fan club, right. (smirks) I deserve it. 

(embarrassed laugh) I mean, I did ruin the movie, practically: right? Who doesn’t respect that shit, homies? 

…. (1 hr 5 min) 

I can’t deal with this shit. Good thing I’m done. I never watch forty minutes in a sitting…. And I literally cannot deal with this shit. 

Plus I have to call my dad back; he just left me a message. I’ll have to tell him: silly fathers; patriarchy is for boyfriends! 

I would make another joke if I weren’t so disgusted with my appointed social role, right…. I’m actually a little younger than Ryan Reynolds was; he was 37; what am I, 35…. Yeah: 35. I don’t like knowing that, anymore, how old I am. 

But I’ll be ok. (chuckles) 

…. (Ryan Reynolds) Oh wow: and I’m married to Serena van der Woodsen; I must be a good person. 

(chuckles darkly) I am so not a good person…. 

Ah…. The Marxists won’t spare me…. (laughs) 

…. (Dad’s visit) 

Well, that was a weird experience. At least he took me to the vegan place. (I had the special, an elaborate salad; he had the hummus wrap, which is what he always has.) It’s so weird: talking with someone so earnest, yet so low-key scary, right…. Like, we don’t have to persecute Catholics—or even Japanese Christians, you know. ~And it’s like, he’s not going to be going through my bag; he’s not that crazy…. I still shouldn’t have brought that pagan book to read later; the Morrigan wouldn’t amuse him, right…. 

And my dad got 95% of my attention: but it’s like, behind me I could have sworn that the restaurant girls were putting guys on the dock in absentia, right: and I’m like, that’s so interesting; I wish I knew…. You know: not that it would be easier than talking to my father; but it would be so much more…. (shrugs) You know: unless it’s none of your business—then, it’s none of your business…. Gotta follow the plan…. 

“The Cylons are an important part of science fiction. They destroyed humanity. They’re banging. 

And they have a plan.” 

(laughs) Although that makes it sound: maybe more impressive than, perhaps…. I mean, it isn’t sales, my plan, anymore…. lol…. (laughs) 

~But yeah: when you make a joke with dad; he always makes sure you lose, you know: even if you were trying to just…. Be his affectionate son, or whatever. He’s not angry, typically (in “apolitical” situations, lol); but he’s so insecure…. And, ok: go ahead and laugh—I walked right into it. I forgot that the Irish were associated with drinking, right, for a second. I didn’t anticipate it was going to go there. 

Because I’m not Irish, right…. The Morrighan is just like Artemis, you know. One of the restaurant girls could have been Artemis; the other one…. Right? 

You think I’m crazy. That’s good. Stay firm in your beliefs. Really do what works for you. (nods) 

…. Let’s see: I think I was planning on finishing this today; anyway, I think it’s not a fit for me how people define woman’s film vs women’s cinema; I guess I have a hierarchical male mind, but I don’t think they should overlap: I think it should be, true women’s film (woman director), and general women’s film (male director, female focus/themes)…. It’s like, true cinnamon, vs just, cinnamon, right…. Anyway. 

(the last 25 minutes before credits roll) 

Wow…. No. 

That, plus: pseudo-woman’s film, kinda covers it, right…. 

It’s like: woman has her own unique place in patriarchy, right: a special little place of inferiority, right…. 

Until: something bad happens, so that she can be reminded of the truth: that she is not and cannot be capable—that men, are everything…. 

(snaps fingers) I’ll teach this to the children: I’ll call it, “following the Light”….

~Good thing we’ve arrived in the future, right…. (rolls eyes) That, or this train’s engine just blew out, right…. (chuckles)…. No, really: we’ve arrived in the future—why, it’s 2013…. We’ll look back, and say, Wow, that was the First Day of Tomorrow, right…. 

(eyes flutter with contempt) Well, anyway. 

It’s wasn’t awful-awful, I guess, but yeah. Forgettable in the extreme. 

So, yeah: I mean, it does promise to be a better movie than “Rocky”, right, (although that is how I found it: same director; I’d hate to write somebody off after 90 minutes of exposure to them, right)—“Rocky” was some serious sucking up, right—[edit] and yeah: the title character kid, does seem like a bit less like the Generic White American, than I was expecting, right. He lives with a single mother; he’s sour; he isn’t gleeful, just to be within the literal state borders of California, right…. I think I’ve seen worse than this, right. [edit ends] 

[And yeah:] I know that people get tired of hearing me mouth off about a John Tolkien, right: (smiles) But [edits] Eh: I’m in a good mood—forget about it. [edit ends]. 

…. Yeah, better than “Rocky”, or the Peter Jackson Saga, you know: just like I thought…. Better than I thought, actually. It’s cute; it’s subtle…. God, I’m actually watching a movie: and I don’t feel like I’m being indoctrinated by the Fun-Loving SS, you know…. The fascist ‘party’, you know…. 

God, the karate guy is an Asian repairman, right! Gosh, why don’t I learn how to repair things! It’s a useful skill! Girls like it better than fucking military history trivia night, right?…. 

…. You know, for a basic story, this is not a bad romance plot: pretty girl, of course; she likes how the guy looks, not that he fucking purchases her for sex slavery and drudgery, (1); there’s light crudeness from the guys for realism, but the hero is relatively decent, ‘because guys should be decent, not “boys”’ (2); they bond over soccer, a sport played by both boys and girls (3). 

It’s really fully non-terrible, right. 

…. And the antagonist is (a) a human being and not an “orc”, right: “this year I’ll behave right in school; I’ll change”; even though he immediately (b) embodies the fault of male possessiveness, an actual problem in the world, right. 

…. —The call to adventure: a feud with somebody’s bully ex-boyfriend, entirely competent. 

—implied that studying from books is possible, but personal instruction is preferable (+) 

—the hero tries to buy the girl’s affections, even though he has no money and she likes him, even when he appears foolish (-) 

—a military veteran might be an antagonist (or your teen antagonist’s teacher) (+) 

—your mom, a woman, might become a manager, but that doesn’t really do anything for you (-) 

—you can talk about girls with your mom, albeit in this absurd “blonde is beautiful” kind of way (+) 

It’s funny how I feel like I’m scoring a baseball game or something, but it is very simple, very cute, and very mixed: all three. 

…. “I don’t understand the rules.” 

“Get off my case.” 

He does seem to blame the girls/women in his life, for getting beaten up by the other male, right. I wonder if the Mysterious Asian Man can help with that, right? (They can borrow the Time Machine from Back to the Future and watch “Crazy Rich Asians”, right, learn about gender issues.) 

He is a bit like a typical whiny pop music male, almost: less tough than other males, whiny, demanding and/or avoidant with girls, right. (chuckles) And that’s what makes him beautiful—he doesn’t know he’s beautiful. (winks) (laughs) 

I’m not sure what this tells about the director; I don’t know how America wants us to see it, right. 

…. Visualization for Gardening as a Hobby by Mr. Miyagi (thumbs up) 

…. The Halloween Dance plus the fight 

That was all pretty weird, lol…. Pretty, weird…. (laughs, shrugs) But I’ll allow it. 

…. This is actually a pretty good movie. Much better than those British Empire Hero movies, right…. Growing up, I didn’t realize what an important supporting character the girl is, or how it’s actually a more-or-less credible look at American racism, right. (Which I guess tells you something about my life growing up, right?)

…. And there is such a thing as physical learning, right. The way that the karate school teacher carries himself, right: that says a lot more about American racism than any crazy thing they can have him have them say, right: or any label you could put on him, or any way I could describe it with words. It’s just sorta the way he carries himself. It’s not the shape or color of his face: but it’s in his body, like some sort of toxin from processed meat or something, right. 

…. ~It’s more about the fight than the victory, kid. The victory is giving it heart, giving it fight, not the result. ~translated into fluent vernacular English, lol 

It’s too bad that the California Kid got three movies, and the girl, the so-called Next California Kid, right, (needs a girl singer-songwriter song about liars, lol), only got one…. Although a number of years later, they started making Karate Kid movies with prominent Black talent, right…. 

But aside from that, it’s not a bad story. It really isn’t, right…. (sighs) Life is strange. It really isn’t about the result, you know. 

…. And now we’re into the “training scene(s) segment(s), just like “Rocky”, lol…. Kinda better than Rocky, kinda the same…. 

I like the idea of commitment being the “deal” though, right. Karate-craft, if you will, any craft…. You decide what you do in life: but you decide to do it well, right. 

…. (narrating to himself) I mean, sure, I coulda told her my mentor had my back, but I figure it’s more of a male thing to be a lying macho pig: and then smile, you know. Yeah, the Smiling American…. 

And then, wow: 1980s white middle class parents; that’s rough…. That’s just a lot, right. 

And yeah: it’s all fun and games, until someone makes a joke about money, right. “Make joke, money: no forgive. America. Hai!” (the other Japanese guy he’s gossiping with considers this carefully, while silently stirring tea, right) 

…. It’s hilarious how learning Asian fighting culture is the same as learning to be a repairman, right. 

(John G. Avildsen) Imagine what we could do if only we believed in ourselves, (accidentally says out loud) and all that other shit, people pretend to believe, etcetera, etcetera…. 

“What do you suppose the action step associated with that would be?”

(John A.) (writing check) (looks up) I’m sorry, what was the question? 

Although I have to admit, I do like them better when they pretend to try, right. “Balance good. Karate good. Everything good.” Everything good: that’s a change of pace, right; not something Rocky would say, right…. 

Although, yeah: it’s also hilarious that, even though there are occasionally movies about white guys beating the crap out of Black guys, right—did this guy ever make a boxing movie, right?—when white guys decide to become pacifists, it’s almost always because people of color have entered the chat, so to speak, omg…. 

~and omg: white middle class 1980s fathers, holy…. Wow! (shakes head) We should call the United Nations, right? Being-rights have been violated; (Hollywood Japanese-English) Horse have right. Horse choose, right. Horse no want father, take mate away. Hai! (bows) 

…. (the cover) Did they really dress the protagonist in white, and the antagonist in black? Wow: anti-racism in 1984, right: anti-racism, with a wink…. 

I have kinda a long sitting, for me, if I were to finish it: but I feel like shit; maybe I could get it all in…. I do, though: I feel almost physically ill, because I finally figured out the lies I’ve told about love: wow: figuring out your life = bad decision, lol…. Yeah: when life is hard, entertainment-propaganda helps, omfg…. 

(starts sitting) (Mr. Miyagi: teaching/humiliating/laughing uproariously) 

Bro: God is a karate teacher: I am not joking, right now. Okay. 

…. “I’ll decide if we dance, thanks. I’m bigger than you are.” 

If there were any justice in the world, it wouldn’t have taken them ten years to make Karate Girl: the Movie, and there would have been a goddamn sequel, right. 

…. (Karate Kid: Stolen Date, Stolen Kiss) 

That shouldn’t have to happen, right. She wouldn’t even have to win the fight with her ex-boyfriend, like in fucking boxing-match-scores terms, right. All she has to do is embarrass him until security arrives, and then, when security arrives, whatever happens: nobody is going to be bloody dancing, right. 

But nobody teaches girls how to take up space, right. 

…. (drinking with his dead wife) 

That was a great fucking scene. I know it’s only “The Karate Kid”: but that one scene—was outstanding. Film matters. 

…. And Daniel has a friend. It’s good. 

…. (shaming the disloyal rich girl) 

OMG…. Just stop…. (And on and on: the reconciliation) Just stop being, an American male, you know…. (shakes head) I just hate how that’s what they’re being told to accept—you know, by, (DVD), John G. Avildsen, right: why would anyone want to accept that, right? Wouldn’t anybody in that situation want to have a little self-respect?…. (he lets her drive: but he tells her how to drive) God, that’s how my dad is with his second wife, right; it irritates the shit out of me…. It’s like…. Excuse me, I exist? Please act like people, both of you, thanks?…. (chuckles) It’s like, no one can take that forever, you know. Eventually you become a bad person, you know? 

…. It’s like “The Power of One” book, right. I suck; I’m crap…. Just kidding: I’m the god of war, (cranks music, fighting montage fast-forwards, right). 

…. (montage ends) I’ll admit it: fighting is amusing…. The Morrigan (I asked her through tarot, lol) was right, that one time: it has its place, even in me…. It’s funny, American football is over the top, it doesn’t seem real, so it doesn’t bother me; but soccer it’s like, they really hurt each other, and it seems real, you know…. But it’s like: learning a lesson, right—a physical lesson. This is how you survive, you know…. I don’t know how to explain it. 

…. (the final part) It’s a weird story…. Not a bad story, though. Better than the “Power of One”, book, though…. The internet rumors must have been right: there was a lot of illegal stuff about those fights at the end…. 

There is a lesson. I don’t know that I know it in words…. It’s like….

It’s like, the lesson is, you’re still standing at the end of it, you know. You don’t feel sorry for yourself. Pride, you know. Pride is a dangerous, necessary, thing, you know…. 

…. Although it is curious: how they showed you how it would have been if he had “lost”, right: very much losing with an asterisk on his loss, and the other guy’s win, right; and no one even suggested, that there was any dishonor in it for Daniel, that being the “end”, right. It’s really not a bad movie: not uncommon, but nothing seriously dishonorable about it, in that sense. Very competent. 

….. After-note: And I swear to god and Fate: when I was finishing editing the review for auto-mis-corrects, right: this was the song playing: 

“And they’ll tell you now you’re the lucky one; 

Yeah, they’ll tell you now you’re the lucky one: 

Can you tell me now you’re the lucky one? 

Oh, oh, oh…. 

It was a few years later, I showed up here, 

And they still tell the legend of how you disappear:

How you took the money and your dignity and got the hell out!

They say you bought a bunch of land somewhere, 

Chose the, rose garden over Madison Square: 

And it took some time, but I understand it now…. 

Cause now my name is up in lights:

But I think you got it right—

Let me tell you now, you’re the lucky one! 

Let me tell you now, you’re the lucky one! 

Let me tell you now you’re the lucky one: oh, oh, oh….”

And that is not from some bloody country album, right…. But yeah: for me, the gods are entirely worthy of worship—because they explain things to me, right; a god is just like a director; the divine art is juxtaposition, right: it is just like making film…. 

~But yeah, this movie is fine. It’s not really a lie; what more do you rationally hope for, right? 

…. But yeah: it’s funny, the body is a lesson, right. Words have importance, but…. I mean, it is true that the Cobra Kai head coach’s character is revealed at the end, through his behavior (speech), right. But it’s there in his kinda body-speech as soon as he’s introduced. Not his verbal speech, to the same extent. Some people say “no mercy”, but they don’t mean immorality by it. They mean no pity, no patronizing, no weakness: be strong, right. The presence of honor is often ambivalent from the analysis of rationality and words. But the way he holds himself: you know, on some level, even if you don’t realize it consciously, that he’s saying, “I will break the rules, if it’s the only way to ‘win’”, right. No one is really surprised by his behavior, and that is largely because of his body-speech, right. 

(Two Towers Rohan King Guy) So, it has come to this. Jo March vs Galadriel, with the Time Traveler’s Wife’s Husband guy: an epic space opera without singing, directed by ~Joe Wright~, Joe Wright. (shakes head, to facilitate thought, then continues) You have so much talent, JW: such a big, Big brain…. You have shown that England can hide her tyranny, in the world of Gen X—and, perhaps, beyond…. (totally awesome delivery) But can you bring the people, justice, as well? (looks at the camera like he’s the King of Rohan, which, of course: he is!) Whatever happens: I will tell the people, the truth! (puts on helmet, mounts horse, etc.) 

…. (Jo March/Artemis vs the, reindeer, I guess) 

That girl can run fast, bro. 

…. Father Mars is a tough guy. 

…. Such a quiet movie, right. Warriors need a lot of quiet time. Time to commune with the Spirit of Death and the Eternal. (nods) 

…. It is a sort of patriarchy, right. Woman is superior to wild beast; man is leader of (superior to) woman, right. 

Although obviously it’s an unusual flavor of patriarchy. (Much like much of Greek mythology and all that.) 

Of course, the actual learning is quite pedantic: it would be a lot better if they ~were~ musing on The Nature of Life and Death, than…. School-crap, you know. Which is the right answer to my meaningless question? A, B, C, D, or E? I’m bigger than you, you know: you have to answer my ridiculous questions! 

lol. Good times…. They say. “These are the best years of your life.” ~(look of abject fear), lol 

…. (deliberates) I don’t know. I mean, she has the Grimm’s Fairy-Tales German picture-book, juxtaposed with, be prepared to wake up and fight your father play-acting the assassin, right, but…. Why? Why be a spy? Why ~not~ just (carefully memorized details of non-spy cover life), right? 

It seems like the earlier you introduce motive, the more time you leave yourself to…. Twist it round and round, and be deceived, and reinvent it, right?…. Nobody JUST practices thwarting assassination attempts, just for the hell of it, right. That would be crazy. 

…. (factoids vs the girl) OMG, did you seriously bring only a goddamn encyclopedia set, and not Shakespeare, or some real book, right…. 

…. She’s very passive, in a certain, way, Artemis. It’s like, she can will a death-battle with a woman, but she can’t even get cross with her father, right…. 

(patriarchs describing the movie over an expensive dinner, lol) “It’s brilliant!” “Bravo!”, etc…. ~lol 

…. So Athena is going after Artemis…. 

But yeah: I’ve heard about warrior stoicism, but this is cray cray, dog: battle of the statues, right…. (smirk) Course, that’s what people think that the gods are, right. Statues for Lord Grantham’s estate, no…. 

…. I don’t understand why you would do that, if your idea was ‘stay and wait to get captured’, right…. Very…. Unlike Middle Earth (original sense: not the Upper or the Lower World), right, very teenager-y; it doesn’t seem…. Real. 

(shrugs) It’s better than Joe’s movies “Pan” and “Cyrano”…. But not by much. 

…. She’s surprised that that’s how it worked out. Is she…. Not well? Was there a triggering incident? It seems like there was no triggering incident. 

(Joe Wright) (annoyed) Just wait: I’m gonna wait until the last five minutes—then I explain everything. It’ll be like a five minute movie, with an hour and a half plus set-up. Capisce? 

~I’m not one of your operatives; I don’t speak French. (laughing) 

…. It’s very, external, right; (external = male, lol…. Joe!). Like, it’s “About a Girl”, right; (is Hugh Grant in it?), but it’s like…. Like, it’s a guy, a very masc-y guy…. Putting the girl through his corn grinder, right…. 

Joe Wright’s movies: I think a safe assumption might be: they’re always interesting to watch, basically, but they’re never good. Never THAT good, anyway…. 

This is like, Joe Wright being a man, basically: he needs this girl to put under a microscope, to do that, right…. And I love the man, sometimes; the man is like wind, and fire…. 

But the man also likes to run this computer program in his head, right, like: “Warning: danger. Do not become involved with life”, basically. 

…. (running around with a gun) The story doesn’t seem “compelling” to me, as the trite designation has it: (not for lack of trying to compel, right)—but Joe Wright movies—I don’t know exactly who is responsible for these things, but I guess ultimately it’s him, in the visual sense, they are always very visually compelling, I think…. Always like expensive decor, (that somehow is appropriate for a man, right)…. Always very visually appealing: always in this, “Joe Wright” kind of way, right. 

It has entertainment value, I would certainly say. 

…. Very visual movies. Like one of those masc-y people, who either silently dread or almost visually loathe chit-chat, right…. 

…. (trying to sound like a trite reporter) We’ve never been this divided, as a gendered population, right. (beat) What I mean is, we’ve always always been this divided…. (rambles on) 

…. It’s like, this girl obviously had something psychiatric going on with her, (maybe she is German, right, and/or an encyclopedia, and/or mentally ill), and they’re not even trying to get inside her head. 

(Joe Wright) (shhh) We’re gonna have some more aesthetic-type scenes: promise. 

…. (chuckles) It’s like she’s too masculine to be a spy; I’m going to have to tell Hermes about this girl. Or…. Well, I feel like the Morrigan wouldn’t find her amusing. They find the whole thing a little…. Off. They don’t have the same sense of humor, Hermes has about everything. 

…. Like, all the characters are too much, right. There’s like the mentally ill girl, the office bitch girl, and the teen idol fan girl, but they’re all…. Stretched, you know. They’re all, too much, you know. They’re not real people. They’re not real girls. They’re some man’s caricatures of what girls are, right.

…. So many caricatures…. It’s like: an endless juxtaposition of caricatures, right…. If it was ironic, it would be quite funny. I don’t think it is funny, though: this movie really believes that this, is the way it is, right…. That’s the funny thing about propaganda: it’s only propaganda if you believe it. Stop believing it, you hit it big in comedy, right…. But then, you have to give up feeling serious, right. A sort of illness, seriousness…. 

…. Although the funny thing is: it’s not an adventure, because it’s not fun. It’s a comedy-drama, an observational piece. It’s like F. Scott Fitzgerald, as a movie, where people die, right…. It’s not like The Ballad of Azog the Unlikely, right: THAT was an adventure; you were meant to have FUN…. This is like, “Oh, a girl; girls are weird/different…. Let me put my thinking cap on, so I can figure out this strange extraterrestrial being, right….” (chuckles) So othering. 

…. (checks movie lists) Yes, it’s like “By the Sea” (2015), only people die and it doesn’t make sense, as like, an othering-tactic, right…. It’s not like LOTR, at all, right…. 

…. It’s like, I don’t know if we were in the same class and I missed a day, or maybe this was somebody I knew from work, but one time when my middle name was Azog, (I was unlikely, right)—I think it was at work, at Pathmark, in like the late 2000s, I was, 20 maybe—when you’re 20 you’re unlikely, right, you’re Azog, right, (if male, lol)—and anyway I was talking to this girl in a good class at school what she was learning, and it was about “othering”: making someone else alien, ~other~, and not like, another actor, (in the non-movie/stage sense), right: not another one who does—just, ~other~, right…. And it’s funny: because that’s Exactly how I treated her, right. You are so smart! So smart, so different! (I won’t tell you about your hair cut, but you’re sure not like me; right!) 

It’s like: wasn’t I smart, too….?…. lol?…. 

I can’t explain it. 

…. The soundtrack isn’t bad, exactly, but it’s this one-trick stuff that only plays when shit is going down. If what passes for social interactions, (perhaps an important part of being a spy?) is happening…. Silence. 

…. “I’m going to go now.” 

“Okay.”

At least, one scene, in this damn movie, was almost well done, at least by the protocols of this mad dash they’ve set up, right. 

…. “This is the sandman.” 

The German nightclub/assassin dude is a caricature, like all of the characters, right…. But he grows on you. 

No doubt. 

…. (people speaking German) 

(smirks) People shouldn’t speak German; it makes them sound too educated…. That’s my considered opinion, hahaha. 

…. —Do you have any children, lady? 

—No, because I’m a heartless bitch. I’m an antagonistic character; the audience isn’t supposed to like me. In these days, Man needs cautionary tales…. To be told…. 

…. The reference to actually going to some kind of Grimm’s Fairy Tale House in Berlin seems extremely contrived and generic, forced, you know—“we are girls, we like (strew of facts about Jakob Grimm or some crazy guy)”—but 95% of that scene—“We don’t know who you are, Hanna! But we are both girls! We are friends!”—is SURPRISINGLY good, for this movie, and Joe Wright, you know. 

…. (lots of action later) 

Well, next sitting it’ll be over, right: time for a little re-cap. Life lessons: 

—Men are bad. 

—Genetic engineering…. Action scenes…. Ah: go with the first one. 

lol: and I don’t mean that men are bad because they punch you in the face and shoot you with guns. Most men don’t do that. (Although it can be a very useful device in a story, right.) But yeah: men are bad…. Because they don’t see the truth, right. 

(Joe Wright) I understand what girls are like! 

~Where do you start with that, right?….

Still, it is amusing to see how something as contrived and irrational as an action scene can sorta—usually just, sorta, I feel like—be part of an entertaining and modestly not bullshit whole, right…. I mean, you come downstairs to eat Cheerios or whatever, and people are watching a movie, an action scene: it’s like…. What gods-forsaken bullshit is this, right. 

(shrugs) I don’t know. It is what it is. Which is full of lies, basically, about the human personality, but…. But one of the things hoomi does, is lie, right? 

…. (walks by book of quotations) (opens) I hope it’s by a woman! (It’s a quote by a famous male poet, about a fictional woman, and the quote is that her fathers from many generations back, or whatever: way on back, generation after generation, were all rich)

(nods) Men are bad, lol…. I am not a loyalist, my friends…. I’m a spy! A-hahaha…. 

…. But yeah: the whole father-daughter thing is kinda weird. I mean, they don’t even talk, practically, they just fight, theoretically together, so it’s like the maximum of masc-y emotional deadness, and not closeness, right. But Joe does want Hanna to be ~loyal~ to her father, right: even if she can’t be close to him…. I don’t know. I’ll never have kids, but of course, who, what male, right, wouldn’t want to have a lovely young female growing up, who has loved (and felt, loyal?) to him since the instant she came into existence, right…. But it isn’t good for her, even though it’s a sweet deal for him, it seems like to me. In an age when female individuals and female culture is devalued and its contribution to human consciousness is minimized: here’s Joe Wright saying, be loyal, little girl, to your father, the captain of the patriarchal family—and feel utterly alienated from the evil bitch feminist who represents all powerful women, especially that you aren’t connected to by the bands of “family”, that institution that everyone praises and no one thinks about critically, or asks to see a balance sheet about, right. 

…. The last sitting— (Joe Wright) (looks at watch) I should explain what the movie is about…. 

I found the emotional content especially sparse and nonsensical in that last thirty minutes. Lots of action…. And I don’t see the ending leading to what we’re implying that it means, right. 

But yeah: I just kinda watched through: I waited until the very end of the sitting to write, because there was less, that merited discussion…. And: to some extent, I was just kinda grateful, or, almost: it’s hard to say. I’m glad, almost, that we made a movie about a girl, right. Women are beautiful—and they’re beautiful all the time…. And believe it or not, they’d be beautiful, even without kitschy anti-feminism, and weirdo hyper-masculinity, and weirdo anti-abortion conspiracy theories, right…. Deluded pro-family-ism, right…. Women would still be beautiful without all that: because women are beautiful, all the time, right. 

They are even beautiful, when the men in the shadows, want them dead, right. Dead, like an animal. An inferior form of life, we’re told. 

(I suppose the real kick in the head, is that women would be beautiful, would be women…. Without men, right. {smiles} We think that we…. {shakes head} I don’t know what we think.) 

(shakes head) I take it back: it’s just as bad as “Pan”, right. We like white girls when we’re in Hawaii, or some crazy place like that. When we get to Fairy Tale Haus in Berlin, Germany, we tighten the screws, a little. 

(shrugs) And, it was also, in addition to being a movie about What Men Think of Women, it was also, in a certain sense, if you’ll forgive the deluded optimism, also…. a movie about a woman, right. 

(Re: Tolkien, etc.) 

This will probably be a lot of fun, right. Who says that we shouldn’t tell twelve-year-old white boys, and people who are twelve year old white boys at heart, that they aren’t far more important than they actually are, right? 

(15 seconds of 3.5 minutes of female screen time in movie) (your mom) Even the smallest white boy can change the future. 

Tolkien definitely isn’t Wagner, right. With Wagner there’s music, singing, love. In Tolkien a girl is either your weird girlfriend who brags that she’s Better Than You every time she scores a point against you in basketball, even though she makes 1/5 of the money you do—because that’s just your weird relationship dynamic, right—or else she’s your mom; or some kind of composite of the two: Protecter-Mom, right. (3 minutes of the 3.5 minutes of female screen time in the film, lol.) 

Wagner thought that women were an important part of the reproduction of patriarchy, right; Tolkien just didn’t have a use for them, basically. Didn’t Tolkien write somewhere that the dwarf population was only 1/3 female, and that the women often didn’t get married. “Slow population growth,” he noted—probably around Valentines’s Day, right. 

…. Wagner had forsaking love for the sake of power as a plot point: Tolkien just DID it, you know…. Although as soon as he married power, he started making noises about a divorce, right…. 

But yeah: who says that masc-y white boys can’t have fun. Answer: My mentally ill romantic former self of the early 2010s, ironically enough! It’s ok, though: I’ve grown since then. I know you don’t want me to ask for your take on me; I know you don’t want me to not know what to say, yet to say it anyway. 

It’s ok. 

But yeah: I agree with the concept of three “Hobbit” movies. Tolkien stories are long and complicated, and movies are short and simple; having three movies to a book like that is EQUITY, homies. Also might give Peter Jackson some leeway to play with it a bit, something that John R.R.T. wasn’t known to do, right. “First name? Pah! In my day: a man didn’t have a first name. He’s a man, you see?” 

I don’t, but…. That’s ok. Feel no obligation to explain. 

~But yeah, “The Hobbit” could easily be the better of the two stories, once you correct for the issue of length, right. Consider, first LOTR: 

(Gandalf) Grandson, I want to write a story to make people feel sorry for themselves, maybe get them in church. Any ideas? 

(Pippin) Grand-dad, just write about an evil magic artifact that “proves” that power is evil, and misery alone endureth. That’s a very depressing story—make lots of people feel sorry for themselves, right. (beat) Be sure to include lots of stuff about how the West is dying, and the East sure to conquer. 

(Gandalf) (nods) Karate Kid bad; short kid good. (tries to get up, fails) (beat) I’ll just rest here, a while. 

~There is something about England and littleness, right. When other countries go rogue, they become Greater: Greater Germany, Greater Whatever: and soon, you WILL be a part of it! But the more trad-style England is, the more it’s Little England, you know: does anyone really deserve to be part of England? Can anyone ever TRULY be worthy?…. Like, the little trad English man: little, small, proud, but not too powerful, a little deceitful, and perhaps a little timid, but…. Honest, you know. The honest weak man. Of England. 

~And of course, much of that remains in “The Hobbit”, (or was foreshadowed), but it’s a fundamentally better story, less ruined by what Nietzsche might call “the taint of moralism” or something like that. (And yes, yes: I know, Wagner, Nietzsche: don’t I know that Germans are a bad sort, that they got kicked out of the white race when they became Hitler, right? “Hitler is bad for white supremacy, young man, bad business….” Maybe Germans are…. Egyptian, right. Maybe they, used to, walk like an…. ~I’m sorry. I know not everybody likes all that, you know…. (your mom) Many of the great songs were written before I gave birth to you. Much that was known of them is lost, for none now live, who…. (realizes that there’s no way to end that sentence in a logical, correct way) (waves hands) Anyway…. ~Yeah: “The Hobbit”—we’re literally just talking about killing a dragon and grabbing his stuff, right…. 

And many a fine mansion in a magazine was built with dragon-bones, you know; many a wed couple was wed beneath the aegis of his wings…. 

I speak of general verities. 

…. (reads back of DVD) It’s like a coven—Thorin Oakenshield’s All-Male Coven, right…. 

May the Straight White Boy-Straight White Boy Romance, commence. lol. 

…. And yeah: I don’t know how I feel about the Great Enemy of England being the “Necromancer” right: John T isn’t exactly Sunday School education, or Edwardian manners—which probably counts for at least as much in many churches as anything else—but yeah, we have Gandalf, the Odinic Christ, right: but that’s “good” because it’s like the power and nobility of our warrior tribe, and the mystique of primitive masculinity, right…. “Necromancer” kinda implies, “pure paganism” (whatever that means), and reflect the fear of psychic powers…. (horror movie whisper) “he talks to dead people….” 

Basically, it suggests the background essentially being a Folk Christian king, preserving runic lore, or whatever, but also sallying out into the heath to slay the “heathen”, basically…. 

I’m not going to go into this: but it is funny how well Marxist memes and Tolkien personnel—people, at least—go together online, right. It’s like, would these two people, like each other…. Would embracing masculinity be enough to bring them together? 

Yeah. 

…. Ok….

Let’s see: Music by Howard Shore—respect…. 

…. “Frodo, I am a wise old male….” Cool. “The city was peaceful and prosperous” We’re taking bets on how long that keeps up, lol…. 

“And where sickness thrives, bad things will follow.” I agree, Socrates. “…. People died.” Yup. 

Why can’t I have another dress, honey. “Long ago, in the dragon times, the dragon Smog came, and….” Ok, I’m alive and that’s enough. Ok. Great. (walks out as he tells the whole twelve hour story) 

…. Some of these lines are really funny, omg…. 

…. Who wants to take bets there are no girls in this movie, lol…. Omg, he hides the valuable stuff before parties: guess he’s not married, is he…. It’s like a trench, only turned into a manor house: no need for girls, though…. 

…. Why Fehu: does he need money?…. 

But yeah: I’m always struck my how weird “my kind” is, right: the Race of Mars…. 

…. Life lessons: steal food, lol 

…. I’m glad I’m not really a male anymore, so to speak…. But yeah: that’s exactly what happens to me in tarot/rune readings, a lot…. Oh, Fehu means: lots of crap; come take it…. Like, it definitely helps you make sense of the ~past~, right…. (laughing cat emoji) 

…. But yeah: 

Odinic Christ: Do you want an adventure? 

Bilbo: No. 

Odinic Christ: Well, screw you; I’m going to die for you, someday. (carves rune for ‘good loot found here’) (wanders off, whistling suspiciously) 

…. Just trying to figure out: (a) why everyone is so pompous; I’ve been through bureaucracy meetings that were more exciting; (b) why this story makes sense: or is it just like…. “It’s impossible…. Hahaha, we did it: the writers were on our side” (back-clapping), and (c) why does anybody like Gandalf, and what does he do that’s at all sympathetic; he seems to remind me a “traitor” Druid counseling a chieftain how to bring Saxon pagans into line, more than anything else. 

…. Yeah, I mean: the folk music was good; the idea of a quest that spans more than one lifetime is good; but I just don’t like them, you know—they’re just pompous males…. Up, female hobbit extra in non-speaking role around minute 40: was I wrong? LOL 

…. The landscape shots are nice…. 

…. “And then, Azog the Afri—“ 

(Peter Jackson) (waves, “no”) 

“Er, Azog the, Funny-Looking….” 

(Peter Jackson) (gives thumbs up) 

Or is he like, Irish, or something? He’s a “pale orc”, right? Irish people didn’t used to be white; the St. Patrick’s Day revelers of today don’t know, and don’t experience, much either good or bad about any of it…. But yeah, Tolkien didn’t like the Irish, did he? He hated the sound of the language. He only liked Old English and Welsh, and most of the Germanic tongues, I guess; you can almost guess from what he thinks of Jane Austen clergyman manners what he thinks of Latin and Greek: although that at least shows bravery; I can’t fault him for that…. 

…. But yeah: there’s no political party for me, right, although I do vote. It is what it is. Tolkien-Jackson could be like a political ticket, you know, (if not for nationality, other things like that): although they’d be about nine days in power, before their followers figured out they weren’t BOTH going to get what they wanted, right. Nine days a president, right. 

…. Yeah, it is a feature you see in French politics, I’m told: the alliance of the extreme left and extreme right. Maybe “Tolkien” could be president of France, or something. 

Kink in the knot: death to dagos and frogs; they’re just not ~moral~ like good old SAXON England, right. Wussy cowards, you know. (shrugs) 

(pauses) What does the left see in Tolkien, again? This is so confusing, you guys. 

…. Or maybe Azog is “the Hun”, right—in order to fight WWI Germany, England had to throw it out of the white race, right. 

…. The Radagast Interlude (although he’s coming back, I guess), is nice: not awful like a lot of it; recognizable as a sort of Druid—the wizards of pop fiction, right—and sorta nervous but not too terribly done…. I suppose that anyone can be nervous, right…. But yeah, it’s like…. (Sorting Hat) “Sure you don’t want your persecute Druids? Persecuting their wizardry would help you grow…. But if it’s not the Druids you’ll be wanting to kill, I suppose it’ll have to be— (loud voice) WITCHES!” 

~Not that “Harry Potter” isn’t common food, you know: a common gulp; dross…. But yeah: that would be like what fantasy stories Really are like, right: children, Christian children, get sorted into groups based on what kind of paganism they want to destroy…. LOL…. 

…. Yeah, the trolls were funny, right…. I don’t know what it’s supposed to be based on: probably just other mainstream movies and/or bedtime stories, right: “Get the children to sleep! Tell them a story!” “I’ve never been outside the village; what’s ever happened to me?” “Make. Something. Up.”…. Although it is amusing, not like some of it…. I guess there could be creatures harmed by sunlight: there are different names that exist for things like that…. I don’t know if it they’re supposed to be highwaymen; but they seem too…. Something…. To be anything but a Bed-time story…. Something, right…. Yeah, a lot of fantasy stories are B.S., lol…. I won’t make comparisons: I know that the High Tolkien Fanboy Council is seriously considering assassinating me as it is…. But yeah, the trolls are just kinda…. A comedy sketch, almost…. Not real. 

…. Almost anything is better than Gandalf and Thorin B.S.-ing though…. The two big bosses at work, right, like…. Yeah, it’s like: I am INSPIRED…. I want to work HARDER, right…. (lol.) 

…. Let’s see: they made some money; good for them…. 

Radagast came back; only now he’s more unambiguously a moron, plus also a plot-point dumper, it’s like…. ? ~I mean, I guess both of those things are inevitable, but…. 

And yeah: “And then, they attract, Negative-Spirit!” 

What’s the origin of the curse, Peter. What’s its nature. What’s going on. 

(shrugs) “Well, you know: plot-points attract paychecks…. All Things Come Together…..!” 

Uh huh. 

And yeah: action sequences. Well, that comes with the territory, right. 

…. Well, anyway: so now we get to see if Italians and Germans can get along: quick, nobody talk about their favorite opera…. 

…. Yeah, “Rivendell” is pretty, for sure…. Maybe I should go there, lol…. 

(They don’t like the food) Hardcore German patriots, lol: all you need is steak and potatoes; and you don’t have to cook the steak, OMG…. 

“Moon runes” 

I don’t know if that’s…. But it is curious…. Oh, that’s what I wanted to do: (internet) Let’s see: I was born under a waxing moon, the fourth day of the lunar month, not counting the dark moon; it was also a Friday. 

…. But yeah, certain things have to happen on certain times. It’s not like, always just 9-5 Monday-Friday, like we imagine: doesn’t matter, and all that… 

…. (Azog the Unlikely) what a propaganda villain, right…. So much, more…. Than is necessary. 

…. Up; I was wrong: 1 hr 34 min in: we have a real female character: the Moon-Queen…. (I guess to Germans, Italian=Celtic?….). I wonder how long this will last…. 

(Saruman) Up, well, that was a full minute, I guess, in which female authority mattered…. 

…. Wow: that was boring…. 

…. And Galadriel is like: don’t forget about your mom, either. She’s sad that there isn’t a girl who’s important in this story. Try to play that part down, with the reporters, Gandalf. 

…. (Gandalf) Some people like, JS Bach, or Wagner, the best: I rather prefer…. Ralph Vaughan Williams, you know…. 

…. Yeah, although it is funny: there’s “war” and there’s, “unexplained killings”, basically: no need to confuse the two, friend. 

…. Although yeah: that is one way to deal with social entanglements: can’t knock the hustle…. 

~And it’s like: I mess up the schedule, and then I’m embarrassed and I’m trying to figure out how I’m going to play it right: as it gets worse and worse…. And then it’s over and I’m here with them and they’re like, (shrugs), There are a lot of other people I have to kill before I get to you, right. 

~It is funny how like, the whole diplomacy of everything is determined by how people look: it’s like America—you don’t want to look TOO good: but you do NOT want to be, Ugly, right…. But yeah: blowing a social entanglement could be like, an ~hour~ of “Gossip Girl”, easy: in this show, it’s like…. ~Hey we got away; it’s over…. ~(shrugs) Sometimes they’re right, you know. 

…. (Finally gets the words like the 100th sitting) (150th, lol) “The pines were roaring, all along the height; trees blazed like torches, filled with light.” (I take it that, means something, lol….?)

Cool story, bro. 

…. It’s interesting how the giants don’t give a shit about them; they’re just fighting each other, and being giants, and their Elemental madness/magic causes chaos for the brave little Vikings, right. 

I’ll buy that. 

…. (generic hanging off a cliff/generic insults) 

Yup. Playing to the base. Solid economics, lol. 

…. (Bilbo and the watchman) A unusually good scene. Not genius, but for a boys’ adventure story: pretty good. 

…. (action scenes) For action scenes, this is actually kinda interesting. 

…. Giving the Goblin Chief around 250 pounds of fat in his neck/chin is kinda…. It’s lame, you know. Like Peter Jackson is Australian, I think: but it’s like America gobbling up Aussie-dom, right: if he’s got that much fat in his chin…. He should probably, DIE!!! lol. 

…. (playing mind games with schizophrenics lol) 

Save yourself and others grief, and do not play mind games with schizophrenics in real life, lol. 

You would never win at riddles with a schizophrenic, you know: although the two of you would never agree upon the rules. 

The only thing that would really stand would be emotions, you know…. You could say, Blah blah blah, Fear!; or blah blah blah: you’re safe! And he might get that—especially the fear, maybe not the calm, right…. 

But John flexing his Old English riddle-craft skills on the floridly mentally ill: it’s like…. WOW. 

And, NO. Also: NO, right…. Omg…. Omg…. Ok. 

…. I mean, I realize I wasn’t charming as a symptomatic person, right: but you couldn’t see my backbone, right—my hair was actually rather too full (lazy) rather than…. Like, is Gollum bald? 

Can you imagine being a diagnostician: a psychiatrist or psychologist or psychiatric social worker, if it was like…. “Given that we can see your backbone, and that you’re not wearing any clothes: we’d like to put you on…. (quickly Googles something)” 

Right? 

…. Odin-Jesus…. Is the Light…. 

~All right: I’ll admit, visually: it looks cool. 

…. Although there wasn’t really an attempt to make it: you know, plausible. 

(shrugs) 

…. —Do you think that the Ring is that story from Plato? Power to become invisible = the perils of power? 

—Vikings can do anything. I saw a movie once, that proves it. It’s their blue eyes. They just gaze at their enemies with their blue eyes: and they just…. Explode, you know. Their beauty alone destroys their enemies, right. 

…. “And then I decided: NOT, to kill the schizophrenic weirdo.” 

(makes clicking noise of approval) Classy. 

“I am Radagast the Brown: and I approve this message.” 

…. “Edwardian males are fundamentally good people, my Viking friend”, seemed pretty repetitive. 

And yeah: BTS should do a song like, “Fake Magic”, although I won’t know what they’re saying, and won’t bother to look it up. 

LOTR music does have a certain charm, but so much of it isn’t new, right…. I feel like…. Omg, a father just walked by telling his 7 year old daughter in lecture voice that not everything in a book is true. OMG. (That’s so funny, bro.) 

…. And the action, I don’t know: I’m waiting for it to get good, right…. Yup, if you can’t beat the Vietcong: just wait for the air support, brother. That’s what all the real heroes, do…. 

(Azog the Unlikely screaming in honor-pain because Chairman Mao didn’t give HIM an air-force, right…. Oh well. He does seem like a jerk, lol.) 

…. Yeah: US Special Forces Strike Team Gandalf (15 men) nearing Baghdad—liberation is imminent, lol…. 

And yeah: modestly cringe-worthy, right…. The point of being a man is to tell the other guy that HE isn’t a man: but it will NEVER happen to YOU, [random guy it will happen to, lol] 

~Although I’ll probably watch the other five fucking movies, eventually: hopefully without paying for them, new, right. 

…. Oh wow: it was a boys’ choir, who did that Catholic-esque music, right. I thought that was their idea of the stereotypically feminine, lol. 

….. But yeah: if I were a girl, I wouldn’t have married Thorin or whoever, even if all that gold were his, OMG….

Wow, the library has THREE copies of this DVD: I’ll never have to push back a sitting in time because it’s checked out…. I guess Joe Wright is a pretty prestigious filmmaker. Of course, that one attempt he made to make a movie with a mixed-race cast, “Pan”, (2015), was kinda a crash and burn failure, right…. But among historical-literary white stories, he does seem to have talent, right: more than average…. And here it does look like he’s following the new trend of introducing actors of color into trad “white stories”, or whatever, (although to not be in denial or over-state the positive: making exotic stories simultaneously white-centric probably hasn’t mysteriously gone poof), and yeah: it can be a hard thing to do successfully, or whatever: just from the theatrical poster cover, it does seem as though there’s the possibility of introducing racial tension into the story, to replace the 100% white-centric thing, if that makes sense. We’ll see if Joe can leap over the hurdles, right. 

And as for romantic stories mostly about men: they can make sense and obviously they do exist, right—but I wonder how well he tells both the good and the bad in terms of men, or if it becomes kinda a romantic delusion about men, that conceals how unromantic men tend to be, right…. I wonder…. 

The singing I can take or leave, but some of the instrumental music is really pretty good. 

The sniping between the penniless romantic girl and the shrewd maid is good: realistic, especially for a movie. 

“Children need love. Adults need money.” 

Especially given the casting, “She’s well above your station”, was a great line. Who wouldn’t like to prove That wrong, eh? 

“A child with a full purse is an adult.” 

No commentary required. 

…. “Freedom at first sight”, or…. Third-party thieving at first sight? (Ok symbol emoji) 

It’s a good lyric: but we pay musicians to deceive us, lol. 

…. (baroque French theatre or…. Something?) 

What an odd culture….

(enter Cyrano) Wow, what a turd…. I’m supposed to like this small-time thug? OMG…. I wonder how many hundreds of pages of Victorian novel musing I would have had to suffer through to figure out I hate that diminutive…. Loser. 

[Wikipedia: Actually, it was a play written in verse in 1897 by a French guy named—

Great. But I wasn’t entirely wrong.] 

…. Anyway: superficially, at least, the level of artistry is very high. Visually and sonically the art is very pleasing…. It just doesn’t seem to have depth…. Like, the first few minutes: I just loved how quotable it was. But unlike say in a Nietzsche (how do you get a name like that?) book: after a while I wanted it to be less quotable, since it was saying very common things, albeit, you know, in a way very flowery and shit, right…. I don’t know if at least half of Joe Wright movies start out great to me, and then start kinda a descent into mediocrity: or whether a love story about a beautiful woman and an ugly man, is just too much, right—too much of a challenge, and not the right one, for anyone to set themselves, basically…. 

I do think it’s interesting how it’s basically a thriller-romance, almost, although I don’t really care for it, right. I’ll have to watch the “Jason Bourne” movie, and see which one I like better. I read the book JB, and in print it did seem like kinda a straight adventure story, right; but I have a feeling on the screen it will be similar to this, close to half-and-half, even if, if forced to choose, I’ll probably end up putting them on different sides of the fence, so to speak. 

But I can’t imagine liking this better, you know. 

…. But yeah: a play written in verse in the 1890s was never going to tell the most ‘brave’ story about love, you know…. All the tropes; all the feels…. It’s not Oscar Wilde: if it weren’t for the 1918 pandemic, he could have lived to a ripe old age, untroubled by the literary police, right…. The literary police probably walked with the casket, at the “normal”-style funeral, after the pandemic was over, lol…. 

…. (the actor with a French name) (crying) I had a successful career for decades, and I was still on top of my game, until some small-time thug threatened me off the stage with threat of violence, to impress a girl he didn’t have the courage to talk to! 

(Freud) (pushes tissue box closer, but) Don’t say “small-time thug”. It’s an unhelpful label. 

(the crying actor) He literally wasn’t that tall, Doctor…. (drowning in tissues) And I should be able to hold a job down without needed to knife hecklers with ulterior motives! Man, fuck that guy! (crying) 

…. I mean: I hate to make it sound like it’s antipathy to the actor—I really don’t know much about him—and of course I don’t want to alienate people who aren’t tall, right: like, “you should have to be ~Tall~, Mediterranean, and handsome!” (sometimes: obviously, though for anything to ever happen even once, to a propagandist, you have to call it eternal verity, right—and obviously Hollywood doesn’t like them too “dark”, lol: blaccskinnedgangstaohnoes, only if there’s, like, no other option, right; which is why he’ll be portrayed as a tough, lol…. See the logic? (laugh emoji) …. Although the Mediterranean or otherwise exotic look comes into season, now and again….). But yeah: I never understood the thing about height, right; one girl I knew obsessed about how she was “short”: like, not only do I not perceive these subtle things about height the way that I guess people do, but it’s like, Girl, you’ve got good…. (Only I didn’t, because she had no self-esteem. Somehow, she would have found a way to hate herself, right. Skip to the part where you’re not involved.) 

But yeah: I mean, as much as you don’t want to intentionally frame anybody (at all) as unattractive out of spite, I don’t think that discouraging what we now call “body shaming” was what was going on for an 1890s writer, probably to the right of Dickens and his successors, right. Not even for a man, even though it is kinda like a Nickie Sparks novel, that old shit, old propaganda: “A love story about a man…. In love, men have so much. But they shouldn’t have to….” And yet, it’s not even quite that, really…. It’s more like…. An aggressive and insecure man? Why, then—why not a short guy who stabs people to death! (OK sign emoji) 

…. Yeah, I don’t believe that any girl is that stupid, basically. 

Cyrano being that self-effacing is possible, I guess— a sort of pride warring with pride, right; though it would be more swimming against the current than the story shows. 

But yeah: mostly, just the girl in that scene (the “confession”), is not a real girl in Middle Earth, right…. Media can be so deceptive. 

At the same time, if you watched Many movies, this might strike you as being better than many, perhaps: it has potential; they don’t always have that…. It’s not gutter trash; a saying that wouldn’t always be honest, right…. 

…. It was briefly so cool to see the Black guy fighting white guys giving him a fraternity hazing in the 1600s…. And then, I knew it was coming…. But he’s like: I’m a dummy! I’m not smart enough to be a romantic, the way you are, Diminutive Soldier Shakespeare. 

Ah, shit, right…. OMG…. (facepalm)…. 

…. “I’d sing pop songs; but I’m smart enough….” 

…. But the choreographer deserves some award or something, right…. 

It is surprising like Old Hollywood, right: lots of style…. Racist…. Very fancy, though….

…. And it is like that song by The Cars, right: I’m suspicious of women; all women, pretty women; and I don’t like other guys; they get in the way: to like your friends isn’t the masculine way…. “And she used to be mine!”…. (My Best Friend’s Girl)…. 

Like, the wounded little man: he should have been Napoleon…. A sorta Black Snowball is on the loose…. LOL…. 

…. It reminds me of this novel about New Zealand, “In the Land of the Long White Cloud”, where the girl agrees to marry this guy based on letters “from him”, whereas really he just had this Austen clergyman, you know, romantic-conventional-flowery-Victorian, write them, and then she shows up in New Zealand and finds out that she’s married to a gruff laconic boar of the farmer, right. 

Anyway. 

…. I don’t like Cyrano-less Christian turning into a monkey with Roxanne. Even if there were no “color” thing, it’s very bad about class. Watching that, I feel like I’m being bullied by some Shakespeare professor. Maybe a philosophy teacher…. And I’ve read once through Shakespeare, and more philosophy than most people read, by some margin, really. 

Roxanne and the Duke is complicated…. “I love the man for whom I fear” is a great line sociologically: I feel like it must have been spoken many, many times, with many, many meanings…. 

But largely it is, not an obnoxious, but a familiar bad rich man-heroic beautiful woman cautionary tale, right…. It is hard to disentangle the idiocy and neurosis of the trad rich from kinda…. Socialistic moralism, you know: lust and disgust; money is “funny” stuff, right…. 

It is kinda curious to think that an adventure story—with dragons and dragon’s blood, right: with probably 92% of the audience being males-running-from-romance, right—is more the type of story where the man can start poor and end rich, right…. So that the beautiful woman can have her frills and thrills without the socialistic moralists leering and jeering, Lust and disgust! Money is funny stuff, I say!…. ~Right? 

…. Anyway: halfway through, I’m not sure whether I’d call it straight mediocre, or just modestly bad, right. I’m not sure that will ever be resolved, really, whatever number I end up having to pin on it, since on this site, things need numbers, right. 

…. But yeah: SO weird how similar it is to Old Hollywood, right: JUST as fancy; JUST as racist…. Only it’s different, because now people have found the goodness in their hearts to explain, so that you can understand, just as they, in their great knowledges do, right—which tropes apply to Blacks, right. It used to be that they’d say, you know, But when is whitey going to ~actually meet~ a Black person in real life, right…. We’ve gotta keep our propaganda practical, know—(cynical laugh), It’s gotta sell, you know!…. And if the world changes, it won’t be because of me—print that in my obituary: I won’t exist anymore! (cynical 20s laugh) 

…. Like, sometimes I wonder how much white ideology is behind so much quotidian punctilious asshat teachings, you know…. “Straighten out your car…. You don’t know me, but I’ll shoot! We have to do things the right way, if we’re to remain above the bugs and the ants and natives!” “Great, fine. I hate you, but, I’ll forget you, I guess. Not worth dying over.” “Thank you. I no longer seek your death.” “Asking nicely the first time would have been more…. Proper, asshat.” 

You know: but if the person who guards the parking space on the other side of the lot/houses, feels the same way: why, then they’re right! Society can never be wrong! White Ideology tells me so! 

You know, like: once there’s hierarchy, it never ends, right. “I park my car better than you.” “I didn’t even hit your car.” “That’s not the issue here. The issue is, 1890s Lit Crit Man is superior…. But I’m superior, too. I’m sorry, Neotheognis, looks like this time: ~you~ are the sacrifice to White Ideology.” 

And God knows this movie is White Ideology, right…. 

And like, I could almost understand them

standing around gossiping about the time the cops came, but what was it this time, right? Waiting to see if someone shows up who parks “the wrong way”? “It says right here in this information booklet that being 75% off to one side is against law and custom. You can only be 5% off to one side, even if you drive a Civic…. After all, these spaces are tiny. You should look into that! Come to the meetings with the other gossips, right. Oh no wait; you don’t have money…. Never mind.” 

And I mean: god knows that even when Joe Wright makes a movie, he’s more interested in the Car Parking Gossip Market, than the Quixotic Dreamer Market, right…. But you gotta have good choreography, so you can disguise that fact to all the chess club robots who sold their soul to the Cylons, right…. 

…. Yeah: I’ll probably give the movie one half-star less instead of one half-star more, because that lady really pissed me off, you know, and she wasn’t unlike the movie, right. 

It’s also probably not going to get better, right. We haven’t even reached the Wistful Regret Of the Big-Hearted White Man Over the Interracial Relationship, Which Owes Its Very Existence To His Own GOODNESS, Right: his sad, sad, pathetic white man goodness, right…. 

We haven’t even gotten to that part yet, lol. 

So much to unpack, OMG….

At least I’ll have my revenge on slave market capitalism, though…. Yes, I am a little quixotic…. That windmill grinds the corn of Satan, son…. Don’t buy from that miller. “All the other millers are like him, only more cruel and violent.” Hmm…. (Don Quixote contemplates his symbolic revenge on the best of all Satanic millers…. For some reason, he needs to chew on a straw of grass, to do this…. Finally….) We won’t boycott the mill of Satan; but we’ll…. Make very subtle, complicated insults about it; yes, very ambivalent insults for the best of all Satan’s sons…. Yes, yes…. I saw the answer, as though in a dream…. 

…. And it is kinda weird, right: I just started rereading this feminist book which, while ‘negative’ in the conventional sense, I think isn’t actually as…. Wrong, I guess: as I thought when I was very (happy-clappy Wisdom) Christian, and a little precious…. Yeah, and I know that it’s going to get into the idea of separatism, right: which is offensive to male pride, whether the desire to dominate or the idea that all women should be potential lays, or else just the kinda happy-clappy ‘Mother loves me all people love me all girls and females are nice and should help me out, and we can be happy and clappy and learn about the happy clappy future together, right….’ But I mean, if some ill man abused you, it might be healing not to have to look at every guy and wonder, out of your own woundedness, whether this was going to be another cruel, forceful dominator, right…. It would also save you, in that instance, from being, you know: from sharing the hurtfulness of the hurt, right…. 

But yeah: Roxanne went to a women’s salon because it was like the one place where she could read a poem and not be looked at as both unintelligent and also a potential lay at the same time, right…. And so of course, her potential lover meets her there, right: he specifically goes out of his way to invade the women’s salon so that he can get in the girl’s mind, right…. Like, “If I let her have a moment’s peace: she’ll never want to touch another man for as long as she lives; men won’t be born anymore; and life will be shit!” 

~”But by 2022, children, because of Me Too, all that sexism and illegitimate gender shit had pretty much blown over…. Finally: women were safe, children. And they had flying cars, too! Have you seen (illusions and propaganda)?” 

…. This is a while ago, but the “I’ll pray for your sins” line is interesting. After the opening scene where the older woman is perhaps semi-sympathetic, she kinda gets disposed of as a forgettable drudge, right: like, I almost forgot there WAS an actual woman who wasn’t dead by 42 or whatever, right…. But then she kinda has to signal her loyalty to the morality system, right: that she’s the farthest thing from a rebel, right; and then so she stuffs that in the face of the young lovers or whatever she thinks they are—and they’re only too happy for some crazy reason to dismiss her as part of the morality movement, since they’re have no use for an older woman except as a drudge, so they’re happy for an excuse not to respect her…. So she drudges off to church, where the male leadership really also couldn’t care less about the female rank and file and so on, right. I guess it’s hard to respect a “sacrifice” that was practically wrested from your unwilling hands…. Of course, since the 1970s, many Protestant churches have gone, Why not have a female clergy person defend male tradition and not care about the female rank and file. It’s not like women care about each other! This could get us in newspapers! ~And meanwhile, it’s like…. Pope Francis, Defender of Liberalism, do you think we could have a little informal get-together today or tomorrow or something, to maybe have like a regular meeting, to decide on creating a special, formal, important meeting, to take a few months at least, to decide if maybe women are as smart as men and as able to be priests and religious leaders? (Skeletor) I’m offended that you would even ask! Until next time! (runs away) 

~Like, I’m not gonna lie and say women never become less attractive physically, but it’s like: maybe their OPINION about love, as still being equally ~female~, as they always were, right….? Society: No, their opinion on love counts for nothing, at any age. Also useless as experts on celibacy wisdom, although nobody wants them. 

~It’s like…. Waaat? 

You know: at some point you’re like—I mean, of course Joe Wright isn’t Judd Apatow making Racy Madison crap (what was his name…. looks up: Adam Sandler; I used to really like him, lol: SCARY (laughing cat emoji)), but it’s like, We get very precious and credulous about our intellectuals, right…. Is there really much evidence that Joe Wright isn’t essentially the same old English culture thinker that’s always existed, along with whatever minor alterations and modifications are unavoidable and even desirable, in any age? Like, is it just the same old England, right? And you know that England isn’t about being free, you know: that’s like, civics class nonsense, right—I’m talking about real life…. England is about England, not freedom, you know. I suppose he’s not actually a “Little Englander”, you know: like there are probably some English Rose Garden Champions who are afraid to read “Romeo & Juliet” because it happens ~Abroad~, in one of those Foreign Places, like France or Italy or Scotland or some such place—wicked places!…. Like, he’s obviously not a Little Englander, right, but kinda a…. Pragmatic Englander: which if we’re to be honest, should be sharply distinguished from someone who just happens to live in England, and maybe wants to see their soccer team win the World Cup or something, right. Like, Oscar Wilde lived in England, technically he came from like, English Dublin, or whatever, but he was basically English like in a…. Like if England was a normal country, he would be English, but it’s like he wasn’t polite, so he was brought before the Crown Committee on Un-English Activities, right…. And basically killed off discreetly, right. The Little Englander would be the guy who…. Like, let’s not even talk about Little Englanders, right. But then the Pragmatic Englander is like, looking at Mr. Little from Roseshire, England, and kinda goes, Wow…. I don’t want to be as easily made fun of, as that…. But a solid 80% of the time, give or take, it’s like: looking at Oscar Wilde and going: Right. That is NOT happening to me. 

Because It COULD Happen To You, right. Brexit, British racism, the never-ending story of the snobbishness of the classical music community…. Like Joe is a Pragmatic Englander, so he puts in the pop songs, right: although it’s a very classic-style pop; you have a vague sense that the dancing isn’t exactly the same as the 1640s dancing, but the more you forget that there was ever a band called The Rolling Stones, right: the better you like it…. And although nobody actually ever shot Mick Jagger, the sorta project of Englishness is kinda based on forgetting that he was ever born 94% of the time, and pretending that he isn’t who he is the remaining 6%, right…. But yeah, it’s meant to be a movie that a middling-aggressive classical music snob could sit through without pulling out a gun and seeking vengeance, and which a “Wagner is Satan, however, opera is the only form of singing I listen to, hahaha” classical music snob could probably really enjoy, you know. It’s the new cultural imperialism, you know—it’s flexible. 

…. (Christian striking out with Roxanne) 

Tell me this is not some ethnocentrist’s sick fantasy, omg…. 

…. It’s also curious how Roxanne is like a caricature of a woman, right: she just wants to be petted and flattered with dainty language, right…. She never has like, a plan for her life, right…. It’s never like, If you lied about the Count de Crap-face, he would get arrested, and then…. (suggestive trail-off). 

It’s always like: you know, I hear that (big name pop act) is in town? Did you illegally download the lyrics? Ooo, music!…. 

But Joe Wright thought it was a good story, lol; he put his name to it, right…. Hate is too strong a word: but so is respect…. For the Pragmatic Englander, you know…. 

…. (looking at credits on DVD) Like, which one of these titles is ‘choreographer’: like, that and maybe the music, definitely the dance—it’s the only good part of the film, you know…. 

…. (Sock-puppet Christian, or whatever the hell it is, right) 

Wow, SO f-ing weird, OMG…. 

Like, imagine this on the Internet, right. Whoops! Just lost the opera freaks….! 

Were they breaking any laws, or something?…. It seems like there should be some kinda misdemeanor on the books for this sort of thing, right…. “Misdirection (27B)”, right—six months’ community service…. 

…. (quoting self) “Wistful Regret of the Big Hearted White Man Over Interracial Relationship” 

Called it. (ok emoji)  

…. (letter) “This is your Captain speaking. Marriage or rape, up to you, over. (beep)”. 

It’s like: we’re supposed to believe that Roxanne is such a caricature of a woman that she wanted the equivalent of a music concert and was obsessed by poetry, and took no thought to plotting against doofus until he was at her door, basically. (rolls eyes) 

…. Nothing an action sequence can’t fix, though…. 

Moral of the story: men are important. They solve/create problems! Women just kinda…. Marry people and, don’t, solve problems, you know. 

…. Wow, it doesn’t even work as entertainment: it’s like, we need to get the propaganda team in here, work this out, do an all-nighter…. How boring was that, right…. Just humdrum disrespect agitprop, no blood-choreography, right…. 

…. Life lessons: men are important…. 

As long as there are men, things will be ok: there will be, love…. lol. 

…. (5-part harmony) Men are, important, because we’re the…. Beach…. Boys…. 

~I agree, men are important. Without men…. Destruction. 

…. Phoo, men sure love dying. I’m glad, that I’m Hermes, lol. Hermes-Thoth-Horus says that the Dying God should just take a nap, take it easy; you might want to be the Dying God now…. Maybe in twenty minutes, after your nap…. (shrugs), Who knows, right? 

~God, what an immoral story, right. And so miserably unpleasant. What was that line of Dostoevsky, I guess—I mean, I read Tolstoy; I never got around to Doestie, but didn’t he have a line, like: “The worst thing is that you have betrayed and destroyed yourself, for Nothing”?…. It’s like, you died, so you didn’t have to admit you were a liar, right! 

(Hermes Psychopomp) Surprise! (naughty cackle) You’re dead! That means you gotta, esplain! (cackle) 

~Right? 

…. But hey: at least the actress (there’s really only one, lol: jealousy over feminism, LOL) had nice breasts; I guess if she were dying from tallness, it wouldn’t be like that for her, right…. You know: just in terms of information. Information, right: he ~nurtures~; he ~loves~…. Why not, love him, right? A-hahaha…. 

…. Ironically given his chauvie it is, I don’t think I’ve ever paid attention to this story before, watching it, since it didn’t meet my earlier standards about bloodiness and asceticism, right. Like, I think I saw it once with my dad, early in childhood, but age was against me, and I was mostly just curious about his strange reaction to this strange shit…. And then in high school or whatever we watched it in French class: but movies in French class, it’s like—they had subtitles, sure, but really: when did I ever REALLY decide to learn French, right?…. I just tuned it out, for the most part…. It’s amazing, maybe, how few fucks us Honors students gave for the System, right; but then, the System didn’t give an excessive amount of fucks about us, now did it…. I mean, that’s the explanation of girls’ greater academic success: girls get told more often that they’re not important, you know—a “valuable” cultural background in school, where it’s like…. It’s Not About You: It’s About Me, The System!…. Guys are just like: I don’t ever remember saying that I liked you…. ~Although obviously much female obedience is feigned, right. Female obedience is at least as likely to be an exercise in (cowardly) self-preservation as (delusional) “goodness”, you know…. 

But yeah: I think I know how it ends. It wouldn’t be the first second-rate romance (prestige means NOTHING; it is a LIE), to end with someone dying so that people don’t have to have difficult conversations about who lied how to whom, right…. 

—Oh! I thought we were going to have to talk to her! 

—No. She is quite dead, my friend. It was quite sudden. The doctors could do nothing. 

—I…. I thought I’d have to tell her, that…. Oh, and yet it is SO, sad…. 

—Yes. It is sad. But better that she should die, than she should make a female friend a little bit like me, and a little bit like you, and not date for a while…. It is better, this way. 

A dream is a wish. 

And yes: I realize that that is NOT LITERALLY where this is going, of course…. But the variations are but little different…. Men love to die; it is a hobby of ours. And, we hate telling the truth. ~The truth, yes…. I’d offer to tell you the truth next Tuesday: only I’ve somewhere to be. VERY unfortunate, I’m afraid…. 

He dies; he’s a hero. She dies; she’s…. Well, dead, but, we’ll miss her…. 

As long as she never learns the truth. Not while I’m alive…. 

…. Yeah…. 

Joe Wright certainly has the makings of a great guy, but he does kinda present as being garbage, quite often, doesn’t he. It’s like, propaganda, for the literate. And I’m not being ironic about the word “literate”: there’s nothing inherently wrong with film…. Though most films are either propaganda or…. Well, this was propaganda, anyway. Agitprop for patriarchy, right. 

Men certainly love death. Men love to die. Is there anything men love, like they love death? Deception, perhaps? Or distortion? Yes, perhaps telling lies that distort woman’s character, is something man loves, equal to death, perhaps. 

Did I say men love death? I misspoke. Men are averse to life. But they do not know death, either. They have the two ideas conflated, entire. 

…. It’s like a Christian romance, you know. The perfect trad Christian romance. Death makes everything clean. You give your love to a corpse….

…. God, and that fucking “song”, right…. Like they were going to an execution! 

“Bat-tles…. Are a way to get, dead.”